Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Who am I?

I started out as a daughter, granddaughter, niece  then god child. 

A year and a half later I was a sister.

 10 years after that I became and aunt. 

10 years after that, I became a Mama. 

With Jack.

With Ryan.

3 years after that, I became a wife, daughter in law and sister in law.

With my inlaws this past weekend.

My whole life, I've struggled with who I am. I never knew what I wanted to be. Who I wanted to be. My father left when I was 3. My parents had gotten divorced and he just stopped showing up for his weekends. It's hard growing up not knowing who you are. Where you came from. My mom received a letter from my father's old union a few weeks ago. They found out he had passed away. To say I've had a difficult time with this is an understatement. 

I never knew him. I never knew his family. And now, it's too late. I've done a little digging on where he had been living. Any contact info has been disconnected or a dead end. Nothing on Facebook or Google. I'm the daughter of a ghost. 

As frustrating as it's been and as many unanswered questions I have. It's better this way. I'm not his daughter. I belong to my Mother and her husband who adopted me and my brother. I get to define me without him. Without him tainting anything I'm trying to accomplish.  

So who am I?

I'm Angelina. Mother, wife, badass, creep, sister, friend, chef, laundress, maid, nurse, belly scratcher, booger picker, HAPPY.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Dear Santa,

I've been a semi-good girl this year! I'll try harder next year. Maybe not say fuck so much. I hope everyone had an amazing Thanksgiving. Ours was low key, we watched the parade, took a nap and ate at my moms house. After dinner, my mom and I went to see Mockingjay. IT WAS AMAZING!!! GO SEE IT RIGHT NOW! 


I thought I'd share some things on my wish list this year. When I was younger and childless, I wanted purses, shoes, whatever. Now that i'm a mom, I would love a macaroni card. Ryan asked me what I wanted for Christmas last night and I said a nice picture of you and Jack. He then told me he wasted a big hug from me for Christmas. And I died. Melted into a puddle of love. That sweet boy.

I am DYING to recover some old chairs in fun funky prints! I saw 2 mustard yellow velvety chairs at The Frisco Mercantile and have been obsessed ever since! 

Because they're pretty.

Because I plan on signing the boys up for soccer and there's no way I'm doing that shit sober. 

I want to get 2 additional bands of the boys birth stones. Why? Because I pushed for 3 straight hours with Jack, and I had no drugs with Ryan because he decided to summersault out. And because I still deal with poop that isn't mine.

I'll also accept cash, rubies and tacos. 

Happy Teller Tuesday!

Monday, December 1, 2014


Dear Ryan,

Today, you are 4 years old. You are such a joy! Every morning you wake up, ready to conquer the day. You sneak into whatever room I'm in and scream BOO! You ask for spaghetti and lollipops for breakfast, but settle for oatmeal or a breakfast burrito. I can barely get a proper hug at drop off! You're so excited to start your day. But you're always happy to see me at pickup. You're the best helper, when it comes to get the mail, feeding Cole, or helping me cook. 

You refuse to take No for an answer. You always find a way to get what you want. You love to copy big brother. And are the best dancer and singer. You're an amazing swimmer. My little fishy! You love to help Daddy! You're his little workman. 

And know for your birth story:

On December 1,2010 I was running errands like a crazy woman. My best friend was leaving the next day to move to Oregon and I was hosting her farewell dinner. B got home around 2:00 and about 30 minutes later, I had the worst contraction ever. it passed and about a minute later, another one hit. Then another, then another. And as they were coming, I still tried to set the table. Finally, I screamed so damn loud B came running into the kitchen and was like we need to go!!!

Jack was 5 days late and I was so sure, Ryan would be late too. We drove to the hospital, which was about 10 minutes away with B running every light. I called Leah, who works on the L&D floor to have her tell her coworkers I was coming. I called my Dr, who instructed me to come to the office. UMM no. I'm going to the hospital across the street. Join me, yes?

B tried his hardest to get me in a wheel chair but I wouldn't do it. I can't explain it, but I just had to keep moving, even if that meant pacing. I could not stop. I managed to terrify the women in the elevator with us and screamed for help once we got to the L&D floor. They got me in a bed and told me NOT TO PUSH. Good thing I don't listen. I pushed and POP! There went my water. An IV was placed in my arm, my Dr came in and 5 minutes later, he was here!

I only yelled at B once, to get off the phone with my mom and stay by my head. A minute after he was born, my parents came in with Jack. 

We had a great stay in the hospital and were home the next night because I hate hospitals and just wanted to be home with our stuff. 


I love you more than words could ever say. You're so sweet and kind. I love watching you grow into the person you're going to become. Keep the pimp hand strong little one.

I love you the world,

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