Tuesday, April 5, 2016

reality.

Do you ever have those moments, where you sit and wonder, how the fuck did I get here?

I've got multiple tabs and windows open, searching Pinterest for cheap, healthy dinners. Checking different grocery stores, the weekly ads. Trying to decide if I want to start watching Girls again. ( I ditched it 2 episodes into the 3rd season.)

There's a stack of laundry at the end of my bed and a pile of junk mail on the floor next to me. My nightstand has 2 waters bottles, a half opened container of apple sauce, hand books from work and numerous other bills piled on it. 

I think I might have a panic attack.

I was listening to John Mayer the other night. (don't judge me.) I remember listening to his album in high school. Laying on my bed imagining what my life would be like when I was an adult. I imagined myself living in New York, in a brick walled apartment with lots of windows, that I always kept open, so I could hear the city. Obviously, that never happened.

I have a good life. Healthy, happy kids, a roof over my head, plenty of junk food and a man who talks in his sleep about work, to share my life with.

I've been feeling so sad and unfulfilled lately. Almost like I'm suffocating. I feel at times, like I'm wasting my life. Is this all I'm going to do? Plan meals and wash clothes? Read blogs and watch shows of places I've never been and probably will never go?

I'm meant for so much more.

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